is this a good essay for eleventh grade level?
By admin On January 25th, 2010john321 asked:
Do you believe in UFO’s? Many people tried to find out the existence of those
flying saucers centuries ago. Aliens have contacted humans several times but
governments have hidden the truth for 60 years. Dr. Edgar Mitchell, Apollo 14 astronaut,
said he was aware of many UFO visits to earth during his career with NASA but each one
was covered up to prevent publicity. Many of these UFO’s had been captured by videos
and photos, just like what happened in many countries, including Canada. Despite these
extraterrestrials had been covered up by the government, there was still a man who
publicly spread his very experienced to UFO sightings in his place. And his name is
Billy Meier.
Dr Mitchell, 77, said during a radio interview that sources at the space agency
who had contact with aliens described the beings as little people who look strange to
us. He said supposedly told that real-life ET’s were similar to the traditional image of a
small frame, large eyes and head. Chillingly, he claimed our technology is not nearly as
sophisticated as theirs and had they been hostile. Dr Mitchell, along with Apollo 14
commander Alan Shepard, holds the record for the longest ever moon walk, at nine hours
and 17 minutes following their 1971 mission. “I happen to have been privileged enough
to be in on the fact that we’ve been visited on this planet and the UFO phenomena is
real,” Dr Mitchell said. It’s been well covered up by all our governments for the last 60
years or so, but slowly it’s leaked out and some of us have been privileged to have been
briefed on some of it. UFO theorists believe Roswell in New Mexico was the site of an
alien crash in 1947. “I’ve been in military and intelligence circles, who know that beneath
the surface of what has been public knowledge, yes we have been visited. Reading the
papers recently, it’s been happening quite a bit.” said Dr Mitchell, who has a Bachelor of
Science degree in aeronautical engineering and a Doctor of Science degree in Aeronautics
and Astronautics claimed Roswell was real and similar alien visits continue to be
investigated. He told the astonished sound of radio that host Nick Margerrison: “This is
really starting to open up. I think we’re headed for real disclosure and some serious
organisations are moving in that direction.”, Mr Margerrison said: “I thought I’d stumbled
on some sort of astronaut humour but he was absolutely serious that aliens are definitely
out there and there’s no debating it.” Officials from NASA, however, were quick to play
the comments down. In a statement, a spokesman said: “NASA does not track UFOs.
NASA is not involved in any sort of cover up about alien life on this planet or anywhere
in the universe”. then that means they are covering up all of the UFO’s being discovered
by astronauts.
“Weird red and blue and green lights we could see them getting bigger and then smaller
and the whole “star” kept moving left and right until….” this is just an anonymous email
that has been reported by an average person about those flying saucers phenomenon. Even
in Canada, many people are astonished by the sight of UFO’s in their place. In West
Carlton, Canada in the year 1991, a craft touched down in a farm field. An anonymous
source took video and sent in a copy along with other information to the authorities, and
the tape was examined by a former NASA man, the Canadian Police, and other experts.
According to reports, the craft was 25 feet in diameter with flashing lights. The craft had unique appendages and flairs that were emitting smoke. According to some experts, this
is a unique and rare video that shows a true UFO up close, but yet few hang on the notion
that this was nothing unusual, but a helicopter. The chief of police acknowledges the
existence of this craft, but does not believe it is a UFO of any sort. The UFO landing was
the most authentic evidence that couldn’t be found anywhere else for it was the first time
that a close-up video of UFO landed on a farm.
Even there are a lot of cases of UFO’s on earth, there was the only one man to
believably experienced a phenomena of UFO’s and ET(extraterrestrials) in his lifetime.
And that man was Billy Meier. He was born on February 3, 1937 in Bülach,
Switzerland. He had his first UFO sighting on June 2, 1942. He said it was a very big
silvery disc shape. And that was the beginning of his encounter on UFO’s. In the fall
of 1942, he received his first telphatic contact by an ET. And as a child, he was
frightened. And that year on November, he had surprisingly first ride in a
extraterrestrial spacecraft. And he met an alien, Billy described him a very old man,
name SFATH. And he taught Billy vast spiritual and material knowledge. And starting
February 3, 1953, ASKET, and extraterrestrial wom
Kansieo.com


Here are a few tips because there were some things wrong with your essay:
Never start an essay with a question, because there are other stronger ways to give the reader the main idea of the essay. The first sentence of an essay is called the UNIVERSAL STATEMENT which is a general statement on the topic that can be applied to everyone.
Every essay you write should revolve around the thesis, which is a fact and opinion put together. Example: Octopuses have 8 arms which is why they are the coolest animals ever. (octopuses have 8 arms = fact and they are the coolest animals ever = opinion)
Don’t start ANY sentence with a conjunction! Conjunctions are meant to connect phrases and clauses but not meant to start a sentence!
This is quite substandard for work that I expect from eleventh graders. Many of your sentences begin with conjunctions, and your writing contains many run-on sentences. I have also located some sentence fragments and comma splices. In addition, the entire thing is a bit unorganized. It looks like you compiled and inserted information from sources as you wrote the essay.